Sunday, March 26, 2006

bummer



Im officially bummerfied. Ohh k. Obviously there is no such word in the dictionary.
Back to what i was saying, im bummed. Like seriously. Didnt expect this to happen so quickly. Its so surreal.

Bummer 1.
I cant believe he is getting married! At a tender age of 22. To me, that is so young. I mean he has a whole life ahead of him. Why get married so quickly? *sigh*
But there must be a reason behind everything.
It all started when my aunt sent me a text msg asking me if 'he' sms-ed me of late. I said yea. She asked whether if it was a forwarded msg or a conversational type. I said forwarded and suddenly my instinct added a, 'y? is he getting married?'
She didnt reply me. Emotions and anxiety got the better of me. I typed a msg to him and asked 'him' if he is getting hitched.
'Yes. Insyallah.' was his reply.
Stumped. I was so so stumped. Another good guy slipped by my fingers yet again.
Not to feel affected, i congratulated him.
But honestly, i felt a sense of lost. Didnt actually think i would feel that way. Remembered those time when my parents and my aunt and her hubby wanted to matchmake me and him. I was indenial then. I looked for perfection in this imperfect and unfair world. Little did i noe, perfect was him. He was the 'perfect' person to marry. 'Perfect' person to guide me through life. He is the chinese convert who is so faithful to Allah which i sometimes feel so embarrassed and inferior besides him. The next few days got me chiding and scolding myself. But there are also questions in my head as to why he wants to get married next month, just a matter of days.

"Why must he get married so fast. He is still young." I questioned ija.

"Dah jodoh dia." was her reply.

Why marriage? Why cant he just have a gf first? I wouldnt be this bummed if he just have a gf. Marriage is a huge step to take altogether. A life full of commitment. *sigh*
Guess its just wasnt meant to be between me and him. I wouldnt contact him anymore. I mean, he is someone else fiance, for god's sake.
Whatever it is, i pray he'll be happy with his future wife to be.

Bummer 2.
Ive ended my one whole week relief teaching stint at Blk 12. Will miss those nosey and boisterous kids. Especially my ever so cute chinese muslim girl who has chubby cheeks and one cute buttony nose called Farrah. Ive grown to be very attached to her and im very sure she feels the same way towards me. She will always be the one holding my hands, tickling my feet, pinching my cheeks and telling me her about her family. I will definitely miss her. A good thing that im having my practicum at the same centre. I intend to take Farrah's class.
On a lighter note, there was a police visit yesterday at the centre and the young teachers, were so drooling over the handsome policemen who came. Hah.
I seriously do not know what has overcome me. I am so into chinese guys now.

Bummer 3.
I couldnt find the cd that bestie burn-ed for me. I want to hear Timeless by Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson. *sobs*

Bummer 4.
I couldnt get the pictures that i took wif fauzie from azly coz i tink he and ija broke up. *sigh*

Bummerfied mode on.


@ 11:47 AM