Thursday, May 24, 2007

Secret Crush



To my secret crush,

Life is so unpredictable. Changes always come along, in big or small ways. I don't know what happened that this sudden change has turned my world upside down. I don't know exactly what it is, it just hit me, but there is something really special about you.

It might be all the things I see on the surface, the things that everyone notices and admires about you, qualities, capabilities and a wonderful smile obviously connected to a warm and loving heart; these things set you apart from everyone else. But it may also be the big things ... the person you really are that I hope to know more someday. And it might also be the little things ... the way you walk and all your actions. I receive so much joy just being able to see a smile in your eyes. If I ever figure out the magic that makes you so special, I'd probably find out that it's a combination of all these things. You are a rare combination of so many special things. You are really amazing.

Inside of me there is a place where my sweetest dreams reside, where my highest hopes are kept alive, where my deepest feelings are felt and where my favorite memories are safe and warm. I find that you're on my mind more often than any other thought. Sometimes I bring you there purposely just to make my day brighter. But more often, you surprise me and find your own ways into my thoughts. There are even times when I awaken, I realize that you've been a part of my dreams. Then during the day, when my imagination is free to run, it takes me into your arms and allows me to linger there knowing there's nothing I'd rather do. I know my thoughts are only reflecting the loving hopes of my heart because whenever they wander, they always take me to you.

Only the most special things in my world get to come inside my heart and stay. And now, I realize how deeply my life has been touched by you.

My world is spinning; I can feel defeat, why can't I sleep? Why does my throat close whenever you speak? My heart breaks just to be around you. I take in the way you move, the way you talk, and the way you smell whenever you are around. My eyes directed down when your gaze falls upon me, that bashful smile - I want you so badly! This tension, it kills me. My unspoken attraction is enough to fill up volumes.

How can I get close to you? I'm too shy to talk to you; so at this moment it feels safer to watch you from afar with no rejections. You have taken up residence in my mind. I want so badly for you to tell me everything I want to hear but you won't and you definitely can't. I want you to tell me that you want me, but you won't and you definitely can't. Every time I think of you I can feel the butterflies fluttering inside me. You don't notice me or the way I look at you; maybe it's 'cause you only see me as a friend and nothing more, but when I look at you, nothing could turn my eyes away.

But, as I sit here, typing this out, the sun rising into the horizon, my heart sinks. My pain is my entire fault; when will I learn? You would never want me. I'm not perfect, beautiful, or anything important. I have to let the dream of you and me go, for I am a girl with an unrequited crush.

Forever be ur crush,
.dee.


@ 6:36 AM