Wednesday, October 24, 2007

No More



I wanna blog out every single frustration and sadness that i felt today. Actually since yesterday. Or was it on Monday?

Today came its toll.

I dont quite know whether this will be a supa long entry or otherwise.
Only time will tell.And also whether i could go through phtobucket.com.

Shucks!~

I guess not.
This wouldnt be an entry with pictures even though at first i wanna blog about the open house thingy but since i cant go through that webbie wer i always store my pictures, den dat shall wait.

I wanna tell you a story.

I met a guy few years back through this webbie call Anak Melayu.

Yea, yea, kental i noe.

But for the record, i dont do AnaK Melayu anymore.

And for the record too, if not for Anak Melayu i wouldnt have met many beautiful pple that stayed attached in my life. =)

And also, one particular guy whom had a very great impact on me.

See, he sent me a STICKY NOTE via that webbie wanting to get to know me and even gave me his number.

Out of curiosity, i viewed his profile and i saw the most amazing and most good looking guy ever!

I dont really call guys who gave me their numbers no matter how hot they are. Not that i get that much.

But with him, i just wanted to get to know him. I have no freaking idea why.

So that few weeks we got to know each other more and i fell for him. I know, i know.. a few weeks, what could i have found in him?

Now, that i couldnt find the answer. Up till now.

Ok, so we kinda dated for a few months.

And that few months was torturous. I was made known that he had this gf since secondary school and are on the outs. That guy was like CHIPSMORE. Skejap ada, skejap takde.
BUt i gave him a chance.

I thought, i soo thought, he could forget her one day..

Anyways, months after that dating period, he asked me to be his gf.

I was estatic. I really was.

But then again, the relationship was sour. Full of ups and down. Full of trial and tribulations.

We broke up after 9 months of sadness rather than happiness.

I tried letting go. I really did. BUt his name was carved in my heart. I wasnt prepared. I didnt want to. I was in a delusional state.

After the sour break up, i didn hear from him for a few months. BUt then, he came back. And i kept longing. I couldnt forget.

Then the truth came out. He was two timing me with that high school sweetheart of his.

Devastated, i was.

BUt i kept my cool.

Then months later, i found myself n another relationship with my secondary school friend.

When i was with him, dat guy told me that he misses me and that he wants to be with me.

"Why now?" was my reply.

Why wasnt it years ago..?

BUt, my relationship wth my that bf didnt work out as well. We broke up soon after.
Ironically, the guy who said he misses me did not come back. Instead he is still with his high school gf.

Great! *sarcastic mode on*

Despite that we still kept in contact and such. We chatted, we exchanged sms-es.
His gf was livid of coz!

But, that guy still wanna kip in contact with me and i at that particular time still am not letting go.

I now realise that i, too, can be such a bitch at times.

Lets just say at this point of time, history keeps repeating itself. Over and over again.

And me, i keep opening and closing the door for him.

Im stupid. Im gullible. Im naive.

Just today, i received a call from him when i was at work. He confessed that he's the one who deleted me from his friendster list. The best part is he added me after i deleted him and then called me up and asked y i deleted him. And then added me again.

BUt last sunday, i called him and asked how cum im missing from his list. He said that he didnt delete me and even have the cheek to say that it doesnt make sense to delete me when he added me.

He called this morning. He sounded way depressed and was blabbering abt his gf.

I was even nice to ask, whats wrong. Thats when all the truth came out.
I was devastated yet again.

Despite that, i even said, "You all asik gaduh je. T gaduh pun mesti baik jugak pe."

After that phone call. I wanted to cry. I really did. But i controlled myself as it was already time for me to return to class.

I did, however sent him a msg saying not to give up on the woman he love. And to lose contact with me if this happens again.

He called straight away.

I did not answer but msg him again saying i dont wish to tok.

Then the msg came when he asked me to dont reply any of his gf msges.

I asked why.

He text back saying he never intended to add me on friendster and that he was making full use of me to get even. He eve said something about calling him a jerk or whatsoever as he just wanna protect his relationship.

How do u tink i'd react?

"Dis is also y im cutting all ties w u. Thx. Ive nva been made a fool b4! But thx to u i hv. Did getting even save ur rltnshp? No! Trust u 2 do dat wen i hv nva doneanytg 2 u. Thx so much!"

He replied dis, " I didnt mean. Im supposed to msg u tt. But im reluctant. Tt msg was juz 2 plz her. I dun wanna lose ya. A pure hearted fren. Nva wanna lose ya. Pls."

I replied saying enough is enough. I dun exist in his life & he dun exist in mine.

One of the hardest things i have to do.

Its silly playing childish games like pleasing the gf and losing a friend.

Though its better that way coz im not a friend to him.

Im just sumone he made used of. Sumone to get even to his childish gf. Watever.

To HIM: All good things must come to an end. I wun be ur ragdoll no more. I dun want to hear from u anymore. I dont want u to call me anymore. I dont want u to sms me anymore. I dont want u to exist in my life anymore. U made use of me for nearly 4 years. Find someone else to be ur scapegoat for u n ur gf childish's games.

To HER: YOU GET TO KEEP HIM.

No more of HIM AND HER.

Im putting it all behind.

Im closing the door for good.

All pictures, diary entries, that heart shape necklace he bought for me will be dispose. IMMEDIATELY.


@ 9:17 PM