Monday, February 04, 2008

So hear my heart speaks..



I turn 23 this december.

So, within these two years, i need to find my better half.

You see, i always told myself and my aunts keep reminding me that i should be settling down by the age of 25.

Time seems to be running out and finding my better half is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Yes, it is that difficult.

No doubt, i have been dating around.

Ive also been in and out of relationship.

But ive never found one whom i wanna settle down with.

Actually, there is one. Was.

I gave him my whole heart.

He took it, initially, but tore it up into a million pieces, leaving me all alone to mend the broken pieces of my heart.

Even though we broke up, we still keep in close contact.
My heart was still with him no matter wat.
I kept holding on despite repeated histories and endless crying.

Then, the last straw came. I totally had enough for his bull shit and i learnt to let go. Slowly.

From there, i started dating MISTAKES.

(MISTAKES is those guys whom was all wrong)

Despite all the mistakes, i learnt a lot from all those guys.

People come from all walks of life.
Of course personality will clash.
And then, some of them will be so overly mushy.

Think about it.

How can they say that they love me when they dont even know me?

They have only seen my picture.

Ive also seen good looking guys on the net but i dont fall in love with them. Im just admiring their looks.

Now that my friend, is LUST. Not LOVE.

I dont know whether you guys know this but theres dis guy whose personality is almost perfect. For me. That is.

Ive known him for two years. Ive 'worked' together with him before.
He is a very capable guy.

Ive even confided in him yesterday over the disagreement with someone yesterday.

A rationale and mature guy he is, never taking sides.

There is soo much good qualities of him that is emerging.

I WANNA KNOW MORE.

But...
Im not sure i should.

Being friends with him for over 2 years already and telling him that i have acrush on him is too much a risk to take.

I dont wanna lose his friendship. Yet at the same time, i dont wanna be just friends.

My LIKING towards him has turned into FONDNESS which has escalated to LOVE.

Im not they type who falls in love easily.

I find myself having difficulty opening myself up to others.

The past mistakes (guys), made it even more difficult to give my heart to anyone.

But i know if given a chance, i wanna give my heart to him.

HOW DO I TELL HIM THAT I LOVE HIM?

HOW WILL I REACT IF HE DOESNT FEEL THE SAME WAY?

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO, THEN?

I have a million and one questions running across my mind.

Thoughts of him are invading my every senses.

I vividly remember the first time i met him.

Coincidentally, both of us were clad in brown top and blue jeans. *smiles*

The first time i saw him, i was like, "Tinggi nye!"

Then as the friendship grew, i remember the time when a group of us went karaoke-ing and myself and him sang the song Bila Rindu together.

Those memories is always stuck in my mind.

Right now, i JUST dont know what to do. *sigh*

Have you ever had someone steal your heart away, you'd give anything to make them feel the same.


@ 6:36 PM